


Repeat the necessary

by leviathans_moon



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-12
Updated: 2010-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-13 15:52:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/139012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviathans_moon/pseuds/leviathans_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur is dragged to a rock club by his friends his life changes within a second, because another one is forcing its way into his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repeat the necessary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chaosmaka](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=chaosmaka).



> reincarnation!au, though with references to the series, particularly season 1 and season 3. Possible spoilers! This was not beta-read. This is a flight of fancy written for chaosmaka. I'm not British and since was not beta-read it was also not britpicked, so please forgive any mistakes.

He’d only said he’d go with them because they had promised to buy him drinks all night long. And here he was standing at the bar, holding onto a drink he had bought himself. His friends were jumping around on the dance floor, trying to pull. But the girls in this club weren’t particularly interested in guys like his friends. He sighed. Why they had thought going to a rock club would be a good idea was absolutely beyond him. It did not look like any of them would get laid tonight. He knew he wouldn’t and he was the one person of his group of friends looking the least like he doesn’t belong here. He simply wore jeans and a shirt, his hair ruffled up a bit looking like he’d just gotten out of bed.

A new song started playing and the dance floor filled up even more than before and he sighed again. This was so not his music. He let his eyes wander over the mess of limbs in the centre of the club. One of his friends was trying to get closer to a gorgeous girl with pale skin and long black hair, but she only took one look at him and then pointed at the skinny, dark-haired guy next to her, who simply rolled his eyes at her and turned away. He must have sensed being watched because suddenly he looked up into his eyes and then everything went black.

 

“What the hell happened?”

“Did your friends take any drugs?”

“No.”

“And we don’t even know these two. I’m sure Arthur doesn’t either.”

“Full name?”

“Arthur Pendragon.”

“And you don’t know the other two?”

“No.”

 

“Gwen?”

“Huh?”

“Are you alright?”

“My head.”

“I think you hit it on the edge of the couch when you fell. The ambulance is on its way.”

“What happened?”

“No idea, you just fainted.”

She groaned. “Are the others alright?”

He paused and felt her head without knowing what for. “What others?”

 

“Arthur?”

“Where’s Merlin?”

“Who?”

“I think he hit his head pretty badly. Can’t you do something?”

“We need to know whether there are any drugs in the system.”

“God, he doesn’t do drugs.”

The ambulance man looked at him disbelievingly.

“Is it that hard to believe that no drugs were involved?”

“If three people faint while dancing away in a club, then yes.”

“Merlin?” Arthur was opening his eyes. Immediately, a light flashed in front of them.

“Huh... No dilated pupils, Frank. What’s your name?”

“Arthur Pendragon.”

“What day is it?”

“Saturday. Where’s Merlin?”

“Who’s Merlin?”

Frank had finally found an ID. “The other one’s Merlin. Merlin Emrys. Name mean anything to you guys?” He looked at Arthur’s friends.

“No.”

“Then why does he keep saying it. Come on guys, the sooner you admit drugs were involved, the sooner we can treat him better.”

“Fuck, we don’t know him.”

“Arthur?” Frank swung around towards the soft voice that had just called out.

“Hello there. What drugs did you take, son?”

“What, none. I didn’t take anything. Is Arthur alright?” Merlin tried to stand up, but Frank pushed him back down.

“Lie still. Don’t worry. He’s awake and fine. We’re going to take the three of you to the hospital. Can you tell me the girl’s name?”

“Morgana Collins.”

“Arthur can be taken to the London Bridge Hospital. He’s a private patient. Private and important.”

“Is he alright?”

“Kid, I might be driving an ambulance, but I’m not stupid. We just have to wait for a second ambulance to take care of these two.” He thumbed at Merlin and Morgana. Merlin was just about to try and sit up again and Frank had to push him back down more forcefully this time.

“Son, he’s fine. You need to lie down.”

“Arthur? How do you know this guy?”

“He’s been by my side for years, you know that.” Arthur turned his head to look at Merlin, who smiled shyly. The second ambulance arrived and Frank started loading up Arthur.

“No, wait, they have to be brought to London Bridge as well,” he complained.

“Sorry, son, they’re going to St. Bart’s. You can see them when you all get released. Don’t worry.”

“Arthur,” whispered Merlin before the doors were closed and he lost sight of him.

 

The sun was trying to pry its way through the blinds, tickling Arthur’s skin. He scratched it, slowly crawling back into consciousness. He soon sensed that something was different and opened his eyes abruptly. His father was sitting in a chair by the window, rifling through today’s newspaper. Nick, his best friend, was lying on the couch in a crumpled ball of limbs. Arthur wanted to know how he could find that position comfortable enough to be able to sleep.

“Dad?”

Uther Pendragon neatly folded the newspaper before looking at his son.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Dad, what happened?”

It took Uther a while to answer. He looked at his son questioningly as if he expected Arthur to tell him.

“It seems that you fainted last night.”

“I... what?” Arthur had unintentionally raised his voice to more than just normal conversational volume and Nick jerked awake.

“Oi, mate!”

Uther coughed and got up, putting the folded newspaper neatly back on the table from which he had taken it.

“I will get a coffee. No one knows what happened, I expect they’ll be doing tests.” He sighed as if this was an unnecessary hold-up and Arthur now felt guilty and angry as well as confused. As soon as his father was out of the door, he turned towards Nick.

“Did I dance too wildly?”

“You didn’t dance at all, mate. You just went down like that. Did you take drugs?”

Arthur’s answer to that was to roll his eyes.

“Alright, alright. Just thought you could have given me some as well, you know.” Nick shrugged, more unsure now after Arthur’s answer than he had been last night, where he’d thought, fuck it, maybe Arthur had taken something, everything was possible.

“Hey, who was that Merlin guy?” Nick asked casually.

“Merlin?”

“Yeah, Merlin. The other guy.”

“Nick, the only Merlin I know is the wise, old, grey-bearded wizard with the pointy hat I saw in movies and read books about.”

And thus Nick thought Arthur had gone mad. Or hit his head really hard on the club’s floor when he fell.

 

~

 

Arthur walked across the courtyard of his college at a slow and relaxed pace. The exam had gone well, better than he could have hoped and he is looking forward to a fun evening with booze, video games, pizza and lots of dirty jokes with his mates. He looked up at the sky, reveling in his temporary freedom from obligations. He could just relax today.

Someone bumped into him, knocking his bag off his shoulder. The clouds drew closer together, blocking out the sun.

“I’m sorry Arthur, I didn’t see you.”

“It’s alright Gwen. I didn’t see you either.” And he smiled at her, picked up his bag and went on his way.

He had walked about twenty metres when something hit him on the inside; it was not quite like a punch, more like a realization, or the feeling you have when you jerk out of a dream in which you had been falling. He turned around and jogged back and saw her approaching as well. She hadn’t gotten far either. They stood in front of each other, staring, both trying to figure out where they’ve met before.

“This might be a stupid question,” Arthur rubbed his eyes, “but who are you?”

“My name is Guinevere. I’m Mo…” She stopped. She had been about to say ‘I’m Morgana’s maid’ but that seemed like a ridiculous thing to say, didn’t it? She shook her head. “I’m a first-year. Physics.”

“Guinevere.” For a split-second he looked at her fondly, like he’d known her for a long time and enjoyed the fact that she was doing physics. And then the second was over and he looked confused. “I’m Arthur.”

Gwen almost said ‘I know’, but her own thought that she didn’t know how she knew, stopped her. Instead she asked: “Have we met before? Like on a party or something. Sorry, physicist, not always the best with memory.” She smiled at him jokingly, but Arthur could see that she needed reassurance. That she needed to know that they had met before, because she couldn’t explain this feeling either, couldn’t explain why a stranger should feel so familiar.

“I’m not... I don’t know.” There was something in Arthur’s mind trying to break forward, he could feel it pressing up against his skull from the inside. It caused a headache and made thinking even more impossible. “Maybe. I got to go.” And he turned without looking at her again, desperately trying to put order back into his brain and stop the headache.

 

~

 

He is walking along a dark corridor. The little light it has comes from two torches lining the big oak door. He opens the door wide and casts a look around. There he is, by the cupboard, folding shirts and putting them as neatly back as it was possible for him. Arthur closes the door, puts his sword on the table and goes over to him. He raises his eyebrows and looks at Arthur expectantly, stopping his folding. Arthur places a hand on his slim neck, his fingertips brushing the dark soft hair, and he draws him in.

 

Sweat was pooling in the small of his back when Arthur jerked awake. He blinked multiple times, trying to clear his head. Who was that guy? He knew him. He pushed himself up from the bed with a frustrated sigh. A trickle of sweat rolled down his back into the darkness between his cheeks and it tickled him. He looked down and his cock waved ‘hello’ and it became more important than ever to find out who that guy was.

He went into the kitchen to get a bit of cold water, cool himself and his little friend down. He didn’t turn on the lights. He knew his way to the fridge. His feet made cold sounds on the sterile kitchen floor. He took out a glass and held it under the tap. A bit of water spilt over his hand but he didn’t care. He took a long drink and then set the glass down on the table loudly. The sound echoed all around him. He slowly walked back to his room, picked up his phone from the nightstand and dialled Nick’s number.

A sleepy ‘hm?’ greeted him.

“You know the guy, on the day I fainted, the one you thought I knew.”

“Yeah?” Arthur could hear some bedsprings creaking on the other side of the phone and weird noises which could only mean that Nick was stretching his limbs or else had a really weird rhythm during sex.

“Do you remember what he looked like?”

“Do I..? Arthur, what’s gotten into you?”

“Do you or don’t you?”

“I don’t know, he had dark hair, totally ‘emo’, big ears, tall, taller than you I’d say. Why do you want to know?” Nick sounded wide awake now and keen.

“I dreamed about him.”

“...”

“Don’t say it. Whatever you’re thinking right now, I beg you, don’t say it.”

“Alright,” said Nick, undermined with a short cough. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, fine.”

“On a scale of one to ten, how freaked out are you?”

“90.”

“Beer and porn?”

Arthur laughed. “No, I’ve got work tomorrow, you unemployed lazy arse.” Arthur rubbed his eyes. “But thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”

 

When he woke up at six in the morning the blanket lay on the floor and he lay in a wet patch. He cursed and shivered. He shook his head, trying to get the rushing noise out of his head. A noise like a wave was rolling closer and closer, not a wave, a tsunami.

He stood up. “Merlin, where are my boots?”

He got no answer and was about to yell for Merlin again, when he felt wetness on his lips. He touched it with his right hand and pulled away a bloody finger. A drop fell to the floor and Arthur hurried into the bathroom. Blood was dripping out of both nostrils. He grabbed the toilet paper. And then he suddenly turned around, because he had just realized that he had called into nothingness. That he had called for someone he didn’t even know. He stared at his empty bedroom, the blood flowing freely and staining the little carpet that lay in front of the sink. He didn’t know why he felt heartbroken.

 

~

 

“Merlin.” It was a forceful whisper which he decided to ignore. And despite the fact that more students had squeezed into the lecture hall than it could hold and it probably wouldn’t attract too much attention, Merlin didn’t want to be caught talking during the lecture of the professor he most feared.

“Merlin.” It sounded more on edge, but still no more than a whisper. He could still pretend to not have heard.

Less than a minute later a book made contact with his head and it jolted forward, while the nerves sent pain waves straight to his brain in throbbing pulses. “What the...?” He turned around and stared into the face of a green-haired punk, who simply pointed his finger at Morgana three seats down the row. She didn’t even wait for him to glare angrily at her, but threw a crumbled piece of paper at him. It fell to the ground and he had to bend down to retrieve from under his seat. He noticed the professor looking up at him, but thankfully this was university and he didn’t have to expect to be asked to read out what was written on the paper.

 _Did you dream last night?_

He turned around to Morgana hesitantly. Her asking that question meant that she did and that it was important. They had never really talked about it, sort of just agreed that there was something going on, but neither could explain it. They accepted it, lived with it, ignored it mostly. But once in a while she would say things, do things that could only be explained by the dreams. And even though Merlin would never admit it, he’d never really liked it. It never seemed to be anything good.

He shook his head ever so slightly. Then she handed a neat piece of paper to her neighbour and indicated to her to pass it on. The punk looked bored when he gave it to Merlin. Merlin grabbed it and took a look at Morgana’s drawing of a young and handsome man in armour holding a sword in his right hand and the lights went out and the lectern went up in flames.

 

The punk was staring at him reverently. He must have made the connection, thought Merlin. He was sitting on the lawn in front of the building. All students had been told to remain close for possible questioning.

“You set the fucking lecture hall on fire,” whispered Morgana gleefully. Merlin looked around anxiously, but she waved his concern away. No one was hurt and it wasn’t like something really bad had happened. He should be able to laugh about it, just like his sister. Except he was an arsonist now and couldn’t control it apparently. He shuddered. Moving small objects around was otherworldly and scary enough already. This was almost too much.

“Did you recognize him?” Merlin blinked at her. She was trying to distract him, but he wasn’t sure whether he quite wanted her to do it yet.

“The guy in the drawing. I know you didn’t have that long of a look at him, but given what just happened I’m pretty sure there was something.” She pushed him down so that he lay outstretched on the lawn and she could put her head on his stomach.

“I’m not sure.” He really wasn’t. “I feel like I should know him. But I can’t really actually remember him.” He sighed. “Who is he?”

She ignored his question. “When you say ‘should’, is that a ‘should’ like, I know I’ve met him before on some stupid party and should know his name at least and stuff, or is it a ‘should’ meaning that you simply feel like you need to know him or else something would feel wrong?”

Merlin raised his head to look at her profile. “I think that might just be the weirdest question you have ever asked me.”

“100 points for me. Now answer.”

Several hundred geese had travelled over them on their way to their nesting places, before Merlin answered. “The latter.” He paused. “I don’t think I actually know him, like I’ve actually met him three months ago or something. If... if I know him at all, it’s from sometime else.” He paused again. “When I saw the drawing, his face... it felt familiar. And then...”

“And then you got scary,” she whispered. He looked up at the sky, his fingers stroking her hair, but it was more to calm him than her. He needed to know that he was still where he belonged. Except now something was missing. A face with blonde hair and a mischievous grin passed his inner eye and he gripped Morgana’s hand. She held it tight.

 

People sitting around on benches and on the lawn was not so unusual per se, the amount of people was more what stopped Gwen and Thomas in their tracks. Crowds coming out of the lecture hall usually dispersed quite quickly and only those who had their next class in the same building hung around.

“What’s going on?” Gwen asked a brown-haired girl with glasses.

“There was a fire in the lecture hall,” the girl answered without raising her head to look at Gwen, but kept it downcast at her fingers in her lap.

“Anyone hurt?” Thomas glanced anxiously around for ambulances.

“Don’t think so.”

“How did it happen?”

The girl looked up, unsure of something and didn’t say anything for a while, but then realized that she would have to or else it would be weird. “Don’t really know, just happened.”

The main door opened and a few firemen walked out. Nothing to dangerous then, in seemed, but the girl had acted rather strangely.

 

“Hey look, there’s Gwen,” said Morgana, who had raised her head at the noise of the door opening and spotted the dark-skinned girl with the curly hair a few feet away from it.

“Who’s Gwen?” asked Merlin, still staring up at the sky.

Morgana laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. You know Gwen.” But she didn’t feel so sure anymore that he actually would.

She sat up and stared at the girl, who laughed at something the tall dark-haired guy next to her had just said.

“Morgana?” Merlin had followed her eyes and spotted the two people laughing and talking. “I don’t think we know them. I don’t think we’ve ever known any Gwen.”

Gwen and Thomas had seen enough and were on their way to the physics building now, walking away from the twins that stared at them and tried to decide whether they knew the girl or not.

“Come on,” said Morgana and grabbed the hands of her brother, pulling him up and after her.

 

“Gwen, wait.”

She turned around. Thomas followed her action.

“Do you know them?”

Gwen didn’t answer. The siblings, maybe even twins, stopped in front of her, panting slightly. The boy looked slightly suspicious and uncomfortable. The girl, however, looked like she always knew what she wanted.

“You’re Guinevere, right?” Gwen was taken aback. Even the few people who knew about it, only called her Gwen, never Guinevere.

“I am. Who-?

“Morgana and Merlin.” And then she hugged her, just jumped at her, threw her arms around her and Gwen was suddenly surrounded by long black hair. It seemed as if something made click, but whatever should have followed that click, time didn’t hurry to show her. This felt familiar, like something that had to be, but Gwen didn’t know why, and neither, it seemed, did Merlin, who looked upon the scene with a frown.

Morgana let her go, looking back at Merlin and then to Thomas.

“Hi, right, uhm, we going to have to kidnap Gwen for a bit, but you can have her back later, alright?” Morgana grinned at Thomas’s confused face and then said: “Are you her boyfriend?”

“Uhm, no.”

“Okay. Come on, Gwen.”

Morgana simply grabbed Gwen’s arm and dragged her away, leaving a confused Thomas behind and Merlin to decide on his own whether he really wanted to follow or just go and hide in a corner. He followed.

 

For some reason, when they had finally settled into a small café and ordered their coffee, Gwen’s first question was: “Who’s older?” as if it really mattered in the light of everything else that was going on.

Merlin thumbed at Morgana.

“So you are twins?”

“And we’d be identical if he hadn’t decided to be a guy.” Morgana scolded at him, as if it had actually been his choice.

“I need to ask you something. It’s important,” said Morgana.

“What?”

“Did it feel familiar when I hugged you or is it just me being a witch?”

“Morgana.” Merlin looked at her as if to remind her that she’s crossing a line.

“What?”

“This is weird enough already,” said Merlin emphatically.

“Exactly! Which is why it shouldn’t be a problem to tell her,” said Morgana as emphatically as Merlin and stuffed his mouth with a few peanuts from the little bowl on the table.

“Witch?”asked Gwen incredulously.

“Yeah. Or you know, whatever you want to call it. I’ve seen the future, it’s always come true so far. Merlin, too. He’s stronger than me, though, much stronger.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You will be.”

“How do you know?”

“You set the fucking lectern on fire, Merlin. Out of nowhere,” said Morgana matter-of-factly, like it was something he did every day.

“What? You caused the fire? How?” Gwen cast a look around, figuring it might not be such a good idea if other people heard this. She never even thought about how strange this entire conversation actually was.

“I..I don’t actually, um, know, you know. It just went-“

“You know how it happened, Merlin.” She turned to Gwen. “I showed him a picture of the guy I’ve dreamed of several times now, big, muscles, blonde hair, in armour and with a sword.”

“Arthur,” nodded Gwen, and then realized what she just said.

“So it’s not just us. God, what a relief.” Morgana immediately grabbed the cup of coffee before the waitress had even had a chance to put it on the table and took a large gulp from it.

“I’ve met him.”

Merlin sat up at this, nearly tipping over his cup with the movement. “When?”

“Yesterday. King’s College lawn. I bumped into him.”

“Did he know who you-“

“Yeah. It was weird. I’m sure we had never actually met before either, but I knew his name. He knew mine. Just like you.” Gwen pointed at Morgana. “No one calls me Guinevere.”

“Be glad you can shorten your name to something considered normal in these times,” said Morgana. “We’ve had hell in school because of our names.”

“I’m totally sick of the ‘you’re so magical, Merlin’-comments.” Merlin smirked at the unpleasant memories. “But it seems it wasn’t just our parents being totally high and fucked up that gave us these names.”

Merlin looked at the girls and they looked back at him, knowing he’d said it. And that whatever it was, it had been going on ever since they’d been born.

“Fuck. I need vodka.” Morgana raised her hand to call the waitress.

“Make it two,” said Merlin, sliding down in his seat a bit, leaning his head against the back of the chair.

“Three,” added Gwen. Her knee bumped against Merlin's.

Three coffee cups exploded into tiny shards and lukewarm coffee sprayed all three of them. Merlin nearly fell off his chair. Gwen shrieked. Morgana threw up her arms to protect her face, almost too late. Guests all around the café glanced in their direction and the waitress hurried over.

“Everything alright?” She stared at them, unable to process how the cups could have come to be so broken without having hit the ground and how all three of her customers had little brown dots all over their clothes and faces.

“Yes, yes, everything’s fine, a little mishap here. I wanted to pass my bag to her,” said Morgana, kicking Gwen to pick up the bag she had just felt being nudged against her knee, which, thankfully, Gwen did to present to the waitress, “and I accidentally let it fall on the table and then down onto the ground. I’m really sorry about this. We’ll pay for the cups.” She presented the waitress with a big apologetic smile and prayed that she would believe her.

“Um, no problem. I’ll clean this up. Can I get you new coffee?”

“No, thanks, we just wanted to leave anyway.” Merlin took some change out of his jeans pocket, put it down on the table and grabbed Morgana by the wrist. Gwen seized both bags and followed.  
She had just caught up with them, when Morgana pulled her arm out of Merlin’s grip and turned him around forcefully.

“Merlin?”

“I can’t control it, Morgana. I can’t control it.” Gwen could see the fear in his eyes, the uncertainty of what else this could cause.

“Shhh, it’s alright, Merlin.” She hugged her brother and he simply sagged against her. And then she pulled back, held Merlin’s face in both hands and said: “Come here, Gwen!” and before Merlin even had a chance to react, Gwen obliged and touched his arm.

The surface of the river close by exploded and a jet shot up into the air. People scrambled away from the riverbank, hastily collecting all their belongings. Just as suddenly the upwards movement of the water lost its momentum and fell back down to where it should have stayed. Two objects hit the surface hard, drowned, reappeared and then bobbed along quite lifelessly. Their feathers were ruffled and the orange feet hung from their bodies at wrong angles.

Morgana forcibly turned Merlin’s head to face her again and smilingly said: “Your eyes shone golden.”

“Oh god, I killed the ducks. You made me kill ducks.”

It was Gwen who said sorry. Morgana fought back. “Well, they were tragically in the wrong place at the wrong time. How should I have known that was going to happen?” she said with what could possibly pass as a sorrowful and maybe even apologetic look. “Oh shut, it. I can’t just switch it on and off, you know that,” she added when Merlin just stared at her with an intense and judging look.

“Yes, it’s my fault, I didn’t dream about the ducks. I’m sorry.” She threw up her arms in exasperation. “You want us to do a proper burial for them?”

“Wait, okay, wait.” Gwen stepped between them and faced Morgana.

“You can see the future?” she asked.

“Sometimes I dream about it.”

“But you can’t do that.” She pointed at the water.

“No, which is why he’s-“

“Stronger. I get it.” Gwen turned around. “What else can you do?”

Merlin scoffed at her question. “Card tricks.”

Morgana and Gwen watched him walk away with drooping shoulders.

“He’s a vegetarian and now he’s killed two ducks,” sighed Morgana.

Gwen glanced at her from out of the corner of her eye and then giggled. “God, sorry, this isn’t funny.”

But then Morgana started laughing too and it was all they could do not to shed tears of laughter as well.

 

By the time they reached the flat, Merlin had put on the kettle and made a pot of tea and found an organisation on the internet that collected donations for the protection of wild geese. Not quite ducks, but it was the least he could do. He donated everything he had left on his account and unceremoniously told Morgana that she had to buy the food for the rest of the month. He avoided Gwen by at least a metre if not more. He did pour her a cup of tea, but told her to stand by the door while he put it on the table and then went to sit on his desk in the far corner of the living room.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin,” scolded Morgana.

“I do like all of our possessions and don’t want any of them to explode into tiny bits and pieces, no matter what you might think.”

Morgana just rolled her eyes and sat down next to Gwen.

“You didn’t get Arthur’s phone number by any chance, did you?” she asked, taking a sip from her cup, looking like she was already expecting a ‘no’.

“No. It was such a weird situation, I didn’t even consider it,” said Gwen and then pointed at Morgana. “And he wasn’t as sensible as you and dragged me off to interrogate me.”

“We have to find him. I think if we find him, everything will be clear.” She threw a pen at Merlin. “And your little problem will probably be solved.”

Merlin glared at her. “My little problem? That sounds like I’m impotent or something.”

“Are you?”

“I’m still very attracted to my hand, thank you very much.”

Morgana grinned. “Good to know. I’m just saying that since it’s gotten worse over the last few weeks, ever since that night at the club, and now with Gwen.”

“Club?” Gwen looked between Merlin and Morgana. Merlin had slid back on the desk to sit with his back to the wall.

“The Lark. South end of town. Rock club,” he said.

“Yeah I know it.”

“We both fainted at the same time. We don’t know why, we couldn’t remember anything from the moment we fainted till we woke up in hospital the next-“

“February 23rd. Were you there?” interrupted Merlin, looking at Gwen. For once, Morgana ignored the rude interruption and waited for the answer.

“No, no I wasn’t.” Merlin looked away. He had hoped having met Gwen before might have explained that day. “But according to Thomas I fainted in the living room. I banged my head on the couch and had a concussion. It was close to midnight.”

Morgana frowned. “Could this get any weirder?”

“Arthur.”

“What?” said both girls at the same time and turned towards Merlin.

“It must have been Arthur.” Merlin closed his eyes, tried to picture the evening. “Gwen?”

“Yes?”

“Come here.”

She looked to Morgana, who nodded, and then got up to stand in front of Merlin, but didn’t touch him.

“Morgana? Could you please grab a bucket with water and the fishing net? Just in case I blow up the fish tank, I want to know we can save them as quickly as possible.”

Morgana quickly went into the kitchen, got the bucket and the net and positioned herself in front of the tank.

“Okay, go ahead.” She turned, trying to protect the tank, and stared into the water, following the little fish.

Merlin reached out for Gwen to put her hand in his.

“Wait!”

Gwen pulled away and took a step back, scared that something had already happened.

“What?”

“How many fish are in there? Just so I don’t miss one.”

Morgana received a blank look from Merlin. “I actually don’t know. It’s a bit hard to keep track, to be honest.” He scratched the back of his head.

“Okay, just so that we’re clear. If I miss one it’s not my fault, yeah?” Merlin nodded and Morgana turned again. “Go ahead.”

Nothing happened. The fish continued swimming on as unknowingly as before. They hid away or chased each other or just hung about amidst the flowing leaves of the water plants. By the time Morgana thought she had managed to count them, she realized that minutes must have passed without any sign that anything had happened.

“Have you started yet?” As she didn’t get an answer, she turned back towards them.

Gwen was hugging Merlin tightly, tears rolling down her cheeks. Merlin’s face could not be seen as it was buried in the crook between Gwen’s shoulder and neck, but the desperate way he held onto her had Morgana by his side in a second, forcing him out of the hug and closing her arms around him herself. She looked at Gwen with a questioning look, but Gwen only stepped back and then slid down to the ground and continued crying. Merlin whispered something, but it took Morgana a while to realize that he said sorry over and over again. That was the moment she broke the hug and demanded to know.

“What happened? Tell me.”

“I..we saw...”

“What?”

“It’s like a past life, like we were the people from the legend, you know? He’s the actual Merlin, you’re Morgana le Fay, I am Guinevere, Arthur’s Queen. And I was, but only-.” She broke off, looked at Merlin, who had stopped whispering he was sorry and looked at her now.

“Only what?”

“She loved him, but he didn’t love her, not enough. He didn't love her as much as me.” And Morgana understood the tears and the repeated sorry.

“When he touched me, I felt this desperation that I... Guinevere must have felt back then. She wanted to hate Merlin for being who she wanted to be, but couldn’t, because he was her friend. Arthur needed a queen so she agreed, for the people, for his kingdom, but she was never happy.”

“Morgana, we need to find Arthur. I think it was him that night in the club. I think we all fainted because I saw him and he saw me. Because he...” even betrayed his wife for me. But Merlin didn’t say it out loud.

He looked at Gwen instead and hoped that this, here and in this time, would not be the same. And as if she’d realized what she must have been thinking, Gwen stood up and sat down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

 

~

 

He found himself pressed against the cupboard, Merlin smiling mischievously. Without preamble he shoved his hand down Arthur’s breeches and started stroking his cock. Arthur’s eyes fluttered shut and low growl escaped him. His hips jerked forward as if Merlin’s hand wasn’t enough yet. Merlin lightly bit into the skin covering Arthur’s jawbone and nibbled along it towards the ear. Arthur’s hand automatically went up and buried itself in Merlin’s dark hair, directed him towards his neck and then collarbone.

Merlin’s rhythm quickened, he wanted this fast and messy. He grabbed the back of Arthur’s head and kissed him hard, his tongue darting in and claiming Arthur’s mouth and darting out again so that his teeth could nibble on Arthur’s lips. Arthur moaned into the kiss, jutting his hips forward in a messy rhythm. He shifted a bit so that his thigh slid between Merlin’s legs. He snaked an arm around Merlin’s hips and pulled him closer and it was Merlin’s turn to moan. But he regained control again and broke the kiss to suck on his middle finger, looking at Arthur with dark eyes. Arthur stared at the finger in Merlin’s mouth, forgetting to move his hips against Merlin’s hand. Merlin released his finger with a plop, making Arthur grin. But then that finger was quickly being guided downwards and before Arthur knew what Merlin was doing he could feel it at his cleft and then it dipped ever so slightly into his hole that Arthur couldn’t help but come just in anticipation of it. Merlin stroked him through his orgasm, using the momentum to push his finger in a bit further. The hold on his dark hair was painfully tight.

Arthur sagged against the cupboard and Merlin retrieved both his hands and grinned at Arthur. “Am I forgiven for the rat stew?”

“Not quite,” said Arthur, looking down at the bulge in Merlin’s breeches.

Arthur pushed past him, took of his tunic in one smooth movement, dropped his breeches and crawled onto the bed. “Come here.”

Merlin went to the side of the bed and took a flask of oil out of the small cupboard there. He put it beside Arthur before taking of his own clothes. Arthur’s cock started to show signs of coming back to life again at the sight of Merlin naked, and Merlin couldn’t help but look intrigued. The kiss he gave Arthur was chaste compared to the one before, but he had other things on his mind. He worked his down Arthur’s body, sucking on Arthur’s nipples before settling between his legs. Merlin had never been one to tease much, unless Arthur really deserved it, so instead of playing around he took the head into his mouth and moved his tongue over it in circles. Arthur sat up, leaning on his elbows, to be able to watch Merlin.

Merlin released the head to lick along the length of Arthur’s cock before taking as much of it in as he could. Arthur was becoming hard again, his cock more sensitive now than it was anyway. Just watching Merlin’s lip pressed around his own cock was turning him on. Merlin’s right hand came up and cupped his balls, toying with them before moving down towards his hole. With his left hand, Merlin opened the flask and guided it between Arthur’s legs to let some of it run down the palm of his left hand towards Arthur’s hole. Arthur moaned when he felt the oil on his skin and Merlin immediately pushed in a finger. He could feel Arthur clenching around the unusual intrusion and his mouth continued to distract Arthur a bit from it, lips tightening around his cock. Soon Arthur started pushing down on Merlin’s finger, silently begging for more. Merlin added another finger, pushing in and out and crooking them slightly so that he hit the spot that made Arthur growl deep in his throat.

“Oh god, Merlin, come on.” He grabbed Merlin’s hair and pulled him off his cock. Merlin pulled out his finger in order to add a third, but Arthur had other plans. He sat up quickly, kissed Merlin hard and rubbed their erections together, making Merlin moan.

“I want you to fuck me,” said Arthur, breaking the kiss, and Merlin nodded and was just about to lie down on his back when Arthur shook his head and turned around, positioning himself on his knees, his body pointing towards the head of the bed, arms resting against the wooden frame of it. Merlin almost came at the sight of Arthur naked and vulnerable on his knees waiting for Merlin. A tiny whimper might have escaped him, but fortunately, Arthur didn’t hear it. Merlin moved towards him, coating his fingers with oil one more time, this time pushing in three. Arthur pushed back, unable to control himself, but the moment Merlin began to pull them out again, Arthur started begging, eager to have it all. “Please Merlin, come on.”

Merlin obliged, positioning himself right behind Arthur, placing his head at the hole, his hand lying on Arthur’s back, thumb moving in soothing circles. As he pushed in, Arthur pushed back and the rush of entering so quickly made their hips jerk and both moaned out loud and Merlin had to wait just so that he wouldn’t come within seconds. He started moving only when Arthur whimpered and clenched around him.

“Oh god yes.” Arthur arched his back to let Merlin in better and Merlin started to quicken his rhythm. Arthur pushed back, forcing Merlin as deep as possible. He raised his body a bit so that he could reach back with his left hand to rest it on Merlin’s hip, trying to guide him, trying to get him to move faster. Merlin moaned at the touch and obliged. He grabbed Arthur’s hip hard and fucked into him.

“Oh fuck, god yes.” Arthur couldn’t hold his hand on Merlin’s hip and instead clenched it around his pillow, losing all control. Merlin’s hand moved down and closed around Arthur’s cock and it only took two strokes and Arthur moaned out loud, coming again. Merlin fucked him through his orgasm, forcing himself to hold out a bit longer, but when Arthur was spent he clenched around Merlin’s cock one last time and pushed Merlin over the edge. He came with a low moan, holding onto Arthur’s hip, pushing in one more time and then becoming still.

 

When Arthur woke up, he was lying in a wet spot, again, and didn’t remember why, again, but this time he thought he remembered a voice. He remembered ‘Am I forgiven for the rat stew?’ which is a weird sentence to remember. At least his cock seemed to have fun. He sighed and got up, feeling slightly disgusted for the fifth time this week. It seemed to have gotten worse ever since he saw the ad in the university paper.

 _I’m searching for Arthur. Merlin_

He had had the feeling that this might be important, so he had sent out an answer to the paper four days ago. It must have reached the actual recipient by now. He had also been searching for Gwen in physics but Gwen, unfortunately, wasn’t the only Gwen in physics. Arthur couldn’t quite believe how many girls actually took physics, but it seemed to be enough that 4 Gwens were among them. He had found two, one hadn’t been at home and the fourth he hadn’t had the time to seek out yet.

He stepped into the shower, letting the warm spray distract him from his dreams and washing away his own cum. He had to get his head together, even his father had noticed something was wrong, and that was saying a lot. There had been this awkward conversation in which his father had tried to ask him whether Arthur wanted to tell him about something important. Of course, Uther Pendragon wasn’t the type of person to actually say it like that, but Arthur had grown up with him. It was easy to guess. Arthur had tried to assure him that everything was fine, because how could Arthur have said that something was wrong and then not explain what exactly it was?

He dried himself off, got dressed, changed the sheets, yet again. He would soon run out of dry and clean sheets. And he was starting to feel exhausted, like he was actually having sex every day, sometimes more than once. Nick had joked about it at first, saying things like “well you sure as hell won’t get tendinitis from jerking off too much” but even he had to admit eventually that this had to be stopped.

It was a bit scary to realize how much hope he pinned onto an answer on his letter, the hope that this ad actually meant something.

 

“Merlin?”

“Hm?”

Merlin was sitting on his bed, reading another book on Arthurian legends. He was aware that none of these would mention any sort homosexual relationship between Merlin and Arthur, even if it weren’t for the fact that Merlin is already an old grey-haired man before Arthur is even born in most of these books.

“We’re going to meet Arthur on Saturday,” said Morgana, leaning against the doorframe, head turned sideways to read the title of the book he was holding.

“Okay.”

She stared at him. “Oh and I’m pregnant.”

“Okay.” He turned a page. “Wait, what?”

“Oh, well, you know, I had this fling a few weeks back and-“

“Shut up, you’re not pregnant. The bit about Arthur.”

“Ey, what’s that supposed to mean? I can get pregnant if I want to.”

“Morgana!”

She stepped forward and went to sit on the bed as well. “I think we’ve found him.”

“How?”

“I posted an ad in the university paper. He answered. He was the only who answered.”

Merlin looked at her like he didn’t want to know anything else. “What sort of ad?”

“Those love hearts single, whatever, search things. 'I’m searching for Arthur. Merlin.'”

He groaned and hid his head in his hands. “People will mock me for this.”

“I’m actually surprised they haven’t yet. I thought you’d find out about it lot earlier and I wouldn’t have to tell you,” said Morgana, lying down on the bed. She had to dig a book out from under her shoulder before settling back completely. She cleared a bit of space beside her and then tugged on his shirt. He lay down beside her.

“So, you really think it’s him?” Merlin couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice.

“Yeah. He wrote about meeting Gwen at King’s College. It’s him.”

“Where?”

“I wrote to come here. He’s got the address on the letter.” She paused. “I thought it would be safer. You know, in case you both come from just staring at each other.” Merlin hit her on the arm.

“Funny.”

“What are we going to tell Mum and Dad?” she mocked.

“I’m pretty sure they already know I’m gay.”

“Really?”

Merlin raised his head to get a better look at his sister. “Are you telling me that you haven’t told them yet?”

“I am capable of keeping secrets, little brother.”

“I’m taller than you.”

“You’re younger.”

“Ten fucking minutes.”

“That’s still younger.” Which started a tickling match that ended in Merlin falling off the bed and Morgana cheering so loud about her victory that the neighbours banged against the wall.

 

Arthur stood in front of his wardrobe, experiencing something new: not knowing what to wear. What do you wear to a meeting with people you have never seen before but feel like you’ve known them all your life? Suit? Too formal, and yet he wants to make a good impression. Good impression in his books meant suit. That’s how he’d learned it. He can’t remember ever having seen his father in anything but a suit. But his father had always had to make a good impression. Eventually Arthur moved away from the suits and on to jeans and shirt. But then the question was should he wear well-cut jeans or the mangled jeans that didn’t fit properly but looked cool.

In the end he picked his only black jeans which didn’t fit perfectly but didn’t look too awkward either, plus a black button-down. He stood in front of the mirror and didn’t quite know why he was so nervous or why he wondered whether he should bring flowers.

He didn’t trust himself to drive so he took the bus. He drummed an unknown rhythm on his knee the entire time, getting glares from old ladies and older dogs. When he got out he found himself surrounded by tall apartment buildings. It took him a while to find the right building and he paused a second before pressing down on the button next to the name Collins. A female voice came out of the speaker.

“Arthur?”

“Yeah.”

The buzzer went off and he pushed the door open and entered the lift. A gorgeous woman with long black hair was standing at the open door facing the lift. His half-sister. Before his inner eye he saw her in a flowing green dress, hair tied up in a fancy knot and expensive jewellery around her neck. But she wore jeans and a t-shirt and was barefoot. Gwen showed up behind her, by her side, always by her side, always by his side, loyal Gwen. And then...

The lights went out. Morgana sighed loudly, Gwen giggled and Arthur knew.

 

Epilogue

“Hm, are we running out of memories?”

“I think we’ve got everything now. Everything important at least.”

“No, no, no, wait, you haven’t told us anything about your relationship yet.” Gwen pointed at Merlin and Arthur.

“Because that’s none of your business, Guinevere.”

“I was married to you, and you are my best friend. It is my business.” But Gwen was grinning now.

“So that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

They had called regular meetings to fill up all the blanks, match up separate memories and make pictures whole that had been blurry before. Sometimes it was also a question of whether the memories were from this life or the past. Mixing two sets of memories made them blur together into a big mess that needed to be untangled.

“Not a bad life then, was it?” asked Arthur.

“Could have been worse.”

“I was a Queen once.”

“I feel like crying sometimes,” said Merlin quietly.

“Merlin, you had to go and ruin the mood,” scolded Morgana.

“Don’t tell me you don’t have that once in a while. It was a tough life, for all of us. Too many things that went wrong. Too many losses. Too much pain.”

“Maybe that’s why...” Arthur stopped, shook his head. “No, it’s stupid.”

“No, go on, say it. Maybe that is why we are back now. New chance, different chance, different time,” urged Gwen. They all knew she was someone who had to believe in something like that. Which made it impossible to really argue with her about that.

“It sounds a bit cheesy though,” said Arthur, who hadn’t quite learned how to be tactful, even in this life. Gwen threw a pillow at him. But maybe they all wanted to believe that, no matter how cheesy it sounded.

“Whatever it is, it has happened, we’re here, we’ve got another chance and we know about it. That’s a good thing,” mediated Merlin.

“After all we are or were important people.”

“Of course, Arthur, we know, you were King, you’re the greatest of us all, we bow before you and do whatever you tell us,” said Morgana cynically. Gwen nodded in mock agreement.

“Merlin, make tea,” ordered Arthur. Merlin stared at the kitchen door and his eyes shone golden for a second. The kettle rattled and then they could hear water starting to heat up.

“Merlin?” cried out Morgana indignantly.

“The old tea is cold by now. I would have done it anyway,” answered Merlin and Arthur punched him lightly in the arm.

“You are such a lazy arse. You’re going to get fat if you don’t ever again do anything without magic.”

Morgana and Gwen started laughing. “Merlin, fat?” And Arthur had to admit, it was impossible.

The kettle whistled and to everybody’s surprise, Merlin got up and went into the kitchen.


End file.
